The Trust of a Marriage
What is trust? The word trust means to have confidence in and reliance upon. It is important as a married couple that the husband and wife be able to have confidence in each other and that they can rely on each other.
The virtuous woman serves as a great example of a lady who had the confidence of her spouse. His heart trusted in her, that is that he had confidence in her. Trust is a strong bond that can bring a husband and wife closer together.
However, we must remember that trust is not given, it must be earned.
Trust is earned by action. Why did the heart of her husband trust in her? The rest of the chapter tells us all that she did to earn her husband’s trust. Jesus Christ earned our trust when He paved the way for salvation by His sacrifice on the cross. We trust Him because He gave us reason, through faith, to trust Him.
A young man and a young lady meet and begin to date each other. During this dating process the man is trying to earn the young ladies trust, and the young lady is trying to earn the young man’s trust. Eventually, the young man will take a step to see if he has earned the young lady’s trust. He proposes marriage. She will accept or decline based on how much she trusts him. Yet, this process of earning each other’s trust does not stop at the wedding altar, it must continue into the marriage.
Too many spouses have been hurt because the trust has been broken, and they find it hard to trust their spouse again. “Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint.” (Proverbs 25:19) This is often where conflict arises in a marriage. A source of trouble comes and there is no trust between the spouses therefore there is no confidence that one or the other will be able to handle the trouble that has knocked on our door. The lack of trust becomes an annoyance to our being and ultimately a wedge in our relationship.
There are four major things that will either build or destroy the trust in a marriage.
HONESTY – “A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.” (Proverbs 26:28)
A lying tongue sends a message of hate. Whether this is intended by the liar or not it is the message that your tongue is sending when you lie. When dishonesty rears its head in a marriage it brings with it a major element of distrust. If my spouse lied to me once, they could do it again. The only way to recover trust lost from dishonesty is honesty that can be proven. Therefore a repentant spouse who has been dishonest with their mate will endeavor to put checkpoints in place so as to prove their honesty when
FAITHFULNESS – “Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.” (I Corinthians 4:2)
Faithfulness is a firm adherence to duty. Each spouse has been given different duties they are to perform, and they must be faithful to perform those duties. When these duties are performed it creates an element of trust in a marriage. Among these duties between a husband and wife, one of the greatest duties is that cleave to each other. This means that neither husband or wife should ever allow someone else to come between them and their spouse. Unfaithfulness in this area also creates a major source of distrust in a marriage.
COMMUNICATION - “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29)
I believe that one of the most vital elements in a marriage is communication. Too many marriages are either lacking communication completely or they are only filled with corrupt communication. However, when we have good communication it will keep us engaged with our spouse's world. It helps us know what they are going through and how we can help them. Communication also serves as a window into the heart of our spouse and a gauge for their spirit toward one another. Consistent communication also creates a thread of accountability between husband and wife. There should be nothing that happens in a day that a husband and wife cannot talk about. Ultimately open and consistent communication will build trust in a marriage.
AGREEANCE “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3)
There should be a spirit of agreeance between a husband and wife. While there are many areas of which there should be a spirit of agreeance we will focus on the one that I believe is probably the closest to the trust factor of marriage and that is agreeance in decision making. Before making any major decisions be sure you and your spouse agree on the decision that is being made. Always lacking agreeance will breed distrust.
Wise couples will make their decisions as a team understanding that both can claim the responsibility for the decision that has been made. If the husband takes the major matter into his own hands without consulting his wife and it fails to come through as he had predicted the wife will have less trust in his decision-making next time he steps out to do it again. When there is agreeance between the spouses there is a better chance of success. As the old saying goes, "Two heads are better than one." Including your spouse in your decisions and acting only when there is agreeance will build trust in the marriage.